Truth or Dare!
by Random Mushroom
Summary: The Artemis Fowl characters get whisked out of where ever they are by giant hands to participate in a game of Truth or Dare.
1. Welcome to Nowhere!

I don't own any of the Artemis Fowl characters. I'd like to, but I don't.  
  
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Cut to Fowl Manor.  
  
(It is a sunny day. Artemis Fowl is sitting outside typing on his laptop's keyboard.)  
  
Laptop's Screen: Artemis Fowl's Journal.  
Today, Butler's contact sent back a disk. I looked at all  
the information on it. It was a huge database of  
information on fairies. I would have dismissed it as a  
joke, but I could feel hidden memories stirring...  
Unbelievable as it is, I think that it is the truth.  
  
(Artemis looks up at the sky. Then a big, white, gloved hand grabs hold of him, and both Artemis and the hand disappear.)  
  
Artemis: Hel....  
  
Cut to Haven  
  
(Holly is sitting in her house, writing in a small paper book.)  
  
Book: Dear Diary,  
It's been six months since Artemis had his memory wiped. I  
thought I would have gotten over it by now, but I still  
miss him. I can't help but hope that he somehow gets his  
memory back. But that could be disastrous for the people. I  
wish I could just...  
  
(A big hand comes out of nowhere and picks up Holly. Her and the hand both disappear.)  
  
Cut to Fowl Manor  
  
(Butler is meditating when a big hand comes out of nowhere and grabs him. He struggles, but both him and the hand disappear.)  
  
Cut to Haven  
  
(Fowly is sitting in his booth, when a big hand comes out of nowhere and grabs him. He screams as the big hand disappears.)  
  
Cut to Fowl Manor  
  
(Juliet is sitting, listening to a diskman, when a big hand appears, grabs her and disappears.)  
  
Cut to Haven  
  
(Commander Root is sitting in his office, when a big hand appears, picks him up and disappears.)  
  
Commander Root: Noooo....  
  
Cut to Haven  
  
(Mulch Diggums is in a court room, being led to the stand by armed LEP officers. A big hand appears and grabs him. The LEP officers try to shoot the hand, but nothing happens, except for the fact that the hand disappears.)  
  
Cut to Big Black Place (Nowhere)  
  
(Several hands appear, holding everyone who was grabbed. The hands drop everyone (literally – everyone fell a couple of metres). Everyone gets up and looks around.)  
  
Artemis Where...?  
  
(His eyes widen)  
  
Fairies?! I... I remember!  
  
(Sees Holly)  
  
Holly!  
  
(A big voice (which shall be known as Nic) um... talks.)  
  
Nic: Now that we've gotten over all the remembering and  
reunions, welcome to Nowhere! Now it's time to play! Truth  
or dare? 


	2. Marshmallow

I still don't own Artemis Fowl. If that plan to take over the world succeeds, though...  
  
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Cut to Nowhere  
  
(Everyone is standing, listening to that loud voice, known as Nic.)  
  
Nic: Truth or dare?  
  
Artemis: What?  
  
Nic: Truth or dare?!  
  
Holly: Um... What's going on?  
  
Artemis: Good question.  
  
Nic: You have been randomly selecting, from hundreds of books,  
to play a game of Truth or Dare.  
  
Foaly: Hundreds of books?  
  
(A teenaged girl (Nic) appears out of nowhere.)  
  
Nic: Um... Forget I said that. Let the game begin!  
  
Mulch: Why should we play?  
  
Nic: Because this is my fanfic, and I could turn you into giant  
marshmallows if I wanted!  
  
Foaly: Your what?  
  
Nic: Fan... Oh... Um... Nothing. How about we just go with the "I'm a  
god who could turn you into giant marshmallows if you don't  
obey" expanation.  
  
Artemis: I was hoping you wouldn't say that...  
  
Nic: Well... I don't listen to evil criminal overlords if I can  
help it. Unless they're in! Who's going to be in first?  
  
Mulch: Technically, we haven't agreed to play yet...  
  
Nic: (Shrugs) Oh well... (Snaps fingers. Mulch turns into a giant  
marshmallow.) Enjoy being a marshmallow.  
  
(Mulch goes up to Root and tried to eat him.)  
  
Nic: Bad marshmallow! (Snaps fingers again. Mulch turns back  
into himself.) Maybe I should give up on the marshmallow theme...  
Well, everyone! Now that you see what I can do, will you play?  
Or do you want to be, um... Pink bunny rabbits?  
  
Holly: Hell, no! We'll play.  
  
Nic: Good! Truth or dare? 


	3. Back to the real world, Foaly!

Damn! That take-over-the-world plot failed... Why did my giant, singing soft toy sunflowers have to try to eat me! That's code for "I still don't own Artemis Fowl or any of the characters in those books".  
  
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Cut to Nowhere  
  
(Nic is standing in front of the cast from Artemis Fowl.)  
  
Nic: Truth or dare?  
  
Foaly: Who are you talking to?  
  
Nic: You, Foaly! The first to talk is in! So, Foaly, truth or dare?  
  
Foaly: What exactly happens if I lie?  
  
Nic: Um... I send you back to your world.  
  
Foaly: Really?! Truth!  
  
Nic: Um... If you were forced to have a romance with someone by a mad axeman, who would it be?  
  
Foaly: (Looks at Holly) Um... Commander Root?  
  
Nic: Liar! You lied!  
  
(Clicks fingers. Foaly disappears. The black background changes to show a pool of lava, which Foaly appears above. Since he's in mid air, he falls in.)  
  
Foaly: Help!  
  
Nic: Now that that's settled...  
  
Root: You... You killed him!  
  
Nic: I'm like god, remember? I'll bring him back to life later. This is just a punishment for lying.  
  
Holly: Why don't you bring him back now?  
  
Nic: I did. I just sent him to a parallel world that should remind him distinctly of hell. You know, just to frighten him? I'll un-singe him when I bring him back here.  
  
Cut to Hell-like world  
  
(Foaly appears.)  
  
Foaly: Where...? What!? This looks like...  
  
(A red man with a forked tail, bat wings and horns appears)  
  
Red Man: Welcome to hell!  
  
(Foaly faints.)  
  
Red Man: That was easier than I thought...  
  
Cut to Nowhere  
  
(Foaly reappears, with the red man beside him.)  
  
Nic: Thanks, Anti-Conscience!  
  
Red Man: You're welcome!  
  
(Red Man disappears in a puff of smoke.)  
  
Nic: I wish He'd just wake up...  
  
(Clicks fingers. Foaly wakes up. He looks around.)  
  
Foaly: Where...? I'm not dead?  
  
Nic: You were dead. I revived you and sent you to a hell-like world. Then when you fainted I brought you back here.  
  
Foaly: But... The devil?  
  
Nic: Oh, that... That was my anti-conscience. It killed my conscience. It's its fault that you're all here.  
  
Foaly: (To himself) Why couldn't her conscience have killed her anti- conscience?  
  
(Red Man re-appears.)  
  
Red Man: Her conscience is a pacifist. Except when her teacher makes her sit in a paddock, waiting to here the bell for lunch.  
  
(Red Man disappears)  
  
Foaly: Why did it have to hear? 


	4. Truth!

I still don't own Artemis Fowl. And I can't take over the world, anymore. Damn those sunflowers... Anyone willing to lend me sunflowers that DON'T try to eat me? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------  
  
Cut to Nowhere.  
  
(Nic is in front of the Artemis Fowl characters. A couple of the people at the back can't see her, because everyone else is in the way.)  
  
Mulch: I'm sorry to interrupt your attempts to make us play truth or dare, but I can't see you.  
  
Nic: Oh, that... Um...  
  
(Clicks fingers. A stage grows from under her, so that she can clearly be seen.)  
  
Nic: Is that better?  
  
Mulch: (Nervous) Um... I suppose...  
  
Nic: That's good! Now, who should be in?  
  
(Everyone points at someone else.)  
  
Nic: Hmm... How about... Holly!  
  
Holly: Why me?  
  
Nic: Because I've been wondering something for quite a while.  
  
Holly: Oh, no... This is not a good thing.  
  
Nic: Truth or dare?  
  
Holly: I'd go for dare, but... Knowing you it would be something life threatening. Truth.  
  
Nic: Who are you in love with?  
  
(Holly blushes.)  
  
Nic: You don't want to say? (sighs) Fine.  
  
(Clicks fingers. Everyone except Holly and Nic freeze.)  
  
Holly: What did you do?  
  
Nic: I stopped time, so you can answer my question in private. Wasn't that nice of me?  
  
Holly: What happens if I don't answer?  
  
Nic: Do you really want to find out? After what happened to Fowly?  
  
Holly: Fine... I... I like... Artemis.  
  
Nic: I thought so.  
  
(Clicks fingers. Everyone else starts moving again.)  
  
Artemis: What happened? Holly seems to be in a different place to before.  
  
Nic: I stopped time, so that Holly could answer her question in private.  
  
Artemis: That seems out of character for you. You seem to like tormenting us as much as possible.  
  
Nic: Of course! Now I have the perfect material to black mail Holly!  
  
Holly: Great. At least I didn't say Root or something...  
  
Root: Hey!  
  
Nic: Now, Holly. Who do you want to be in next?  
  
Holly: Artemis.  
  
Nic: Truth or...  
  
Artemis: Truth. I can't see you giving me a pleasant dare. But will you give me privacy, too?  
  
Nic: Sure.  
  
(Clicks fingers. Everyone freezes.)  
  
I'll ask you the same question as I asked Holly.  
  
Artemis: Strange how I guessed that you were going to say that.  
  
Nic: Your answer?  
  
Artemis: (blushed) Holly.  
  
(Nic clicks fingers. Everyone starts moving again.)  
  
Holly: What... did he say?  
  
Artemis: I suggest that you don't tell them.  
  
Nic: Why? If I did you'd thank me later.  
  
Artemis: Highly unlikely.  
  
Nic: Fine. I won't tell them now. But later... And Holly this implies to you, too.  
  
Holly: Great. I thought you were going to use it to blackmail me. Not just repeat it without trying to get anything out of me.  
  
Nic: I changed my mind.  
  
Holly: Great. 


	5. Evil consciences

I don't own Artemis Fowl, and probably never will. Unless that army of sad faces I'm secretly growing (in the garden - they're actually plants) turn out better than the sunflowers.  
  
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Cut to Nowhere.  
  
Nic: So, who should be in next... How about... Root!  
  
Root: Please, not me. What about the convict? After all, he IS a criminal. Doesn't he deserve to be in?  
  
Nic: Yeah I suppose. I have a grudge against thieves. So Mulch, you're in.  
  
Mulch: Why me?  
  
Nic: Because you're a criminal.  
  
Mulch: Figures... This wierd, all powerful being has a grudge against me. I suppose that's my luck.  
  
Nic: I'd be offended that you called me wierd if I wasn't proud of it.  
  
Mulch: You're proud of being wierd?  
  
Nic: Yeah, it's fun. I suppose we should get on with the game, shouldn't we? Truth or dare?  
  
Mulch : (Thinking) She doesn't expect me to choose dare, since, being an all powerful being, she can make really bad dares. Maybe she doesn't have much in mind? (Out loud) Dare.  
  
Nic: Dare? (Thinking) Damn... I hadn't thought of a good dare. I expected him to choose truth... (Out loud) Now, what's a good dare...?  
  
(A figure that looks like an angel appears out of nowhere)  
  
Nic: Oh, no... Um... I mean... Hi, Conscience! I'm glad you could join us! I had hoped... I mean... I was afraid that Anti-Conscience had done what it claimed and killed you.  
  
Conscience: It did? Well I'm not dead. I was off killing your Agriculture teacher for making you weigh chickens after the bell for lunch. Oh, and for making you watch a male goat trying to mount a female goat...  
  
Nic: You were what?! No offence, but I thought you were meant to be the good one. The one that DOESN'T try to kill people.  
  
Conscience: Even good people loose their temper sometimes. Anyway, I have an idea for Mulch's dare.  
  
Nic: You do? What is it?  
  
(Conscience goes and whispers in Nic's ear.)  
  
Nic: What?! I thought you weren't into mean things like that!  
  
Conscience: They're only book characters.  
  
Artemis: What!?  
  
Nic: Um... My conscience is a bit insane. Don't listen to it. (Leans and whispers in Conscience's ear) Don't tell them that they're not real yet! They prefer NOT knowing!  
  
Conscience: Oh... Sorry. See you soon Nicola!  
  
Nic: See you, Conscience.  
  
(Concience disappears.)  
  
Nic: Yes! It's gone! And you know, it's idea for a dare was quite good. But I'm going to be mean and not mention it 'til the next chapter.  
  
Holly: What?  
  
Nic: Oh, um... I'm writing a story about this. And I want to recount it truthfully, so I have to say things like that.  
  
Holly: (sceptical) I see.  
  
Nic: Good. Anyway, see you next chapter! 


	6. Return of the Anti Conscience

Conscience: Nicola does not own Artemis Fowl. And she's not going to take over the world, at least if I have anything to say about it. But she doesn't like listening to me...  
  
(Looks sad.)  
  
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Cut to Nowhere  
  
Artemis: When are you going to stop saying "See you next chapter" to no one, then staring into space?  
  
Nic: When it's the next chapter, which is about when you started talking.  
  
Mulch: Does that mean I can find out what my dare is?  
  
Nic: Yeah, pretty much.  
  
Mulch: What is it?  
  
Nic: (Smiles evilly.) You have to insult my Anti-Conscience, without telling it that it's a dare until afterwards.  
  
Mulch: What?! But it will burn me into a cinder!  
  
Nic: That's why it's a dare, isn't it? What did you think it would be? Declaring your undying love for Artemis.  
  
Mulch: Isn't that the kind of dare that most teenaged girls come up with?  
  
Nic: Since when have I been "most teenaged girls"? Most teenaged girls don't kidnap book charac... I mean ordinary people and force them to play Truth or Dare against their will! Are you going to do it, or do I have to send you back home? And trust me, I'd make what I did to Foaly seem a walk in the park.  
  
Mulch: I'd do it, but your Anti-Conscience seems to be missing.  
  
Nic: I can fix that. Oh, Anti-Conscience? Mulch here wants to have a word with you.  
  
(Anti-Conscience (who looks like a devil) appears out of nowhere.)  
  
Anti-Conscience: What do you want, you pathetic little dwarf?  
  
Mulch: (Looking very nervous) Um... You're a pathetic excuse for... a hamster. You're a... good little creature, who always gives apples to the teacher. You got chucked out of hell because you're friends with... god. Is that his name? You let her Conscience do all the work because you're too scared. You should be the conscience, because you're a whole lot nicer than her.  
  
Anti-Conscience: Why you...  
  
(A fireball appears in his hand. He throws it at Mulch, but it misses, since Mulch is running away. Anti-Conscience runs after him, a fireball in each hand.)  
  
Nic: Anti-Conscience? Mulch only said that as a dare.  
  
(Anti Conscience teleports to next to Nic.)  
  
Anti-Conscience: Why you... I thought you liked me. Why did you come up with that idea?  
  
Nic: It was Conscience's idea.  
  
Anti-Conscience: Figures... I have a bone to pick with Conscience.  
  
(Anti-Conscience disappears)  
  
Mulch: I get a feeling that her Conscience will be scorched next time we see it.  
  
Foaly: I agree. 


	7. Tears

Nic: Who wants to tell everyone that I don't own you?  
  
Foaly: Does it get us out of a dare?  
  
Nic: Um... Oh, fine.  
  
Foaly: I volunteer, then!  
  
Nic: Okay. Read off this sheet of paper.  
  
(A sheet of paper appears out of thin air. Nic passes it to Foaly.)  
  
Foaly: Nic... Is that your name?  
  
Nic: I never told you? My name's Nicola. Nic for short.  
  
Foaly: I see. Nic does not own any of the characters in Artemis Fowl. What's that about?  
  
Nic: Oh... Um... I'm... Writing this all down as a story in a parallel universe where you don't exist.  
  
Holly: Great...  
  
Nic: Let's officially start this chapter!  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------  
  
Holly: So, you're from some parallel universe?  
  
Nic: Yeah, pretty much. It's like yours, except, as far as I know, there are no fairies and no Artemis. But then again, I could be wrong. I have been before. Anyway, let's continue with truth or dare!  
  
Juliet: Great... Who's in now?  
  
Nic: Hmm... Either you or Butler. You've been too quiet.  
  
Butler: (sighs) I'll go.  
  
Nic: Okay, then... Truth or dare?  
  
Butler: Dare.  
  
Nic: Let me see... What's a good dare?  
  
(Everyone stays silent.)  
  
Nic: Oh, come on. Someone has to have some ideas!  
  
(Everyone stays silent.)

Nic: You sure you have no ideas? Otherwise I'll chose. Or get my Anti- Conscience to choose. Or, even better, my Conscience!  
  
(Everyone looks at each other, hoping that someone else will volunteer an answer, so they don't have to.)  
  
Nic: Anti-Conc...  
  
Holly: Oh, fine.  
  
Nic: You have an idea?  
  
Holly: Not really, but... I don't want to leave him to your... tender mercies.  
  
Nic: But if you don't have an idea, what's the point of volunteering your idea? Since it doesn't even exist!  
  
Holly: Give me a moment to think, then I'll suggest something.  
  
Nic: Oh, fine.  
  
(After a couple of minutes, a book appears out of mid-air and Nic starts reading. After an hour, Holly talks again.)  
  
Holly: Um... I can't think of anything better than getting you to summon a horde of demons for him to kill.  
  
Nic: Come to think about it... That's quite a good idea!  
  
(Snaps fingers. No demons appear)  
  
Nic: No demons! What's wrong!?  
  
(Snaps fingers several more times. Nothing happens)  
  
Nic: No... (Bursts out in tears.)  
  
Butler: Um... What's going to happen now that no demons have appeared?  
  
Nic: (Ignores him and continues crying.)  
  
Butler: Can I just not do the dare?  
  
Nic: Yes, yes... Whatever... (Continues to cry.)  
  
Butler: Wow... That was easy.


End file.
